Bashing Teachers.......What About the Parents?
69I work as a teacher in a public high school in the state of West Virginia. This is my 18th year of teaching, and as a veteran educator, I know that I have meaningful insight about some issues and problems with our current educational system in America. If you watch, read, or hear any news, you are surely aware of the difficulties as well, even if you are not parenting a school-age child.
Now, I am also a former student of the WV public schools, so I know both sides of this issue. During my career as a student, I encountered some teachers who were just plain not very good. I think we have all experienced this at some point; an instructor who had trouble sharing the actual knowledge that they were supposed to be sharing, or worse yet, a teacher who doesn't even TRY to teach. You know, read the chapter, answer the questions, do a few worksheets, take the test, next chapter---that person is NOT teaching anything except a poor work ethic. Thanks in large part to the powerful and bloated teacher's unions, many unqualified or uninspiring teachers are tasked daily with the highly important job of educating America's future leaders. However, for today's teens to be the successful adults of tomorrow, there is another group of adults besides the teachers whose task is even MORE monumental, of whom do I speak? Of course, it is THE PARENTS!!!
We as a society are inundated with ideas about how the educational system can be improved, and how we can get the students to learn more and be successful as students and later as adults. School budgets are increased almost yearly, but the systems with the highest per capita expenditure per student are some of the systems producing the WORST results! In fact, student achievement has remained relatively flat for years, but the OTHER nations of the world continue to produce higher educated and higher achieving students all the time. Do I think that the children in the other nations are just inherently smarter? NO WAY BUDDY!! I think that much of this is directly related to the cold FACT that in the USA, a large proportion of the parents are NOT doing ANY parenting.
As I feel the brunt of the disapproval each year when the media and even the parents continually denigrate the efforts being made by teachers, they all seem to just forget one very salient fact: THE PARENTS BEAR NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR THE ACHIEVEMENT OF THEIR VERY OWN CHILDREN!! At my job, there are students who are absent for days at a time with NO EXCUSE. There are children who arrive late every day. There are students who NEVER complete or turn in a homework assignment. There are students who do not have a feeling of security from the adults in their homes. There are children who never get more than a few hours of sleep nightly. There are students who have no respect for teachers, and no fear that their disrespect could get them into trouble with their parents.
I want to know WHEN anybody in a position of power will FINALLY reach the brilliant conclusion that it really doesn't matter how intelligent or dedicated a teacher is, if there is NO SUPPORT for the rules of the school or the teachers FROM THE PARENTS, and NO CONSEQUENCES for the parents if their children fail in school, THE SYSTEM AND THE EDUCATION RECEIVED BY THE STUDENTS WILL NEVER IMPROVE!!
Let me explain from my perspective. I attended and graduated from a four-year college and had to pass a certification exam in my field before I was granted a teaching license. When I was young, my parents asked only one thing of me (basically) and that was to work hard in school and make the best grades of which I was capable. I also KNEW that if a teacher called home because of a behavior or attitude issue, my parents would have PUNISHED me for the offense.
In schools today, it is mostly an attitude of the students and their parents AGAINST the schools and the teachers. Let me give a few instances of this:
1. We have a block schedule and the students have 4 classes daily of 90 minutes each class period. During the last class of the day, I have 25 students. Usually, at least 4-5 kids come in, put their head down on their desks, and basically just try to take a nap. I have explained to them that this is unacceptable, and I am going to be emailing parents or just writing up the kids and sending them to the office. Today, a student had a stack of books on his desk, with his head laid on the books. I told him to sit up, and he said "My head isn't on the desk". Now, I know this child is not a moron, and he KNEW he was disobeying my rule, but rather than just shut up and sit up, he felt the need to challenge me. Wonder where he learned that kind of behavior?
2 I caught a student looking at his cell phone during a quiz, and I have caught students attempting to cheat in this way before. I took the quiz, gave him a zero, wrote him up, and turned his phone in to the vice-principal. When a phone is taken, the parents must physically come into the building to retrieve the phone AFTER school. The next day, I asked the VP what the mother had said. I was told that the mother asked the kid what happened, he said he was not cheating, and mommy gave the phone back to him right then and there. I guess his breaking the school rule about even having a phone out during class wasn't too important as mom decided NOT to give any punishment.
3. I had a parent in a previous year who sent me an email asking me to talk to her son about his failing grade in my class. Mom said she had tried to explain to him that even if he did not need the credit for graduation, the F would pull down his GPA. Well, I stepped into the hall with the student to speak privately for a moment, and he told me that he really didn't care if he failed and he had told his mom that as well. Of course, he still had a cell phone AND a vehicle to drive to and from school. As a parent myself, I can say that even if my daughter did not need a credit, a failing grade in ANY class would result in the loss of a cell phone and a vehicle. Wonder if mom ever even considered punishing the child for his willful disobedience?
As a teacher, I see about 70 students per day for 90 minutes a class period. In addition to teaching the subject matter, I must write lesson plans, run copies, grade papers, post grades onto edline for parental access, and deal with students who basically could care no less at all. These students spend much more time outside of classrooms and school than they do with teachers and books. However, the people who should be the MOST involved and the MOST concerned about the education and the futures of these kids just seem to be completely disconnected. When I pick my daughter up after school daily, my first question is how was your day, followed by what homework do we have tonight. My daughter is currently in 7th grade, and she has received one C, one B, and the rest of ALL her grades throughout her schooling have all been A's. She also understands, if her grades or her behavior are unacceptable, the first thing gone from her world is her much beloved cell phone. At least at this point, that threat is enough to keep her pretty motivated. She also realizes that both of her parents are public school teachers, and she will be working as an adult, no hope of a huge inheritance in her future.
As you may have sensed if you actually took the time to read this entire article, I am very disappointed and frustrated with the current system we have where ALL BLAME is placed upon the schools and the teachers while the parents just go on and have no concerns about their children whatsoever. The only saving grace that helps me keep my sanity is the group of students who are bright, motivated, and responsible. From the discussions I overhear from the kids, it seems that those students also understand what punishment will be meted out for substandard achievement. I am grateful that there are some parents who parent instead of trying to befriend their kids.
If America is to remain a free and sovereign nation, our current children are going to have to step up when they are grown or our nation will be lost. Until somebody important realizes that parents are either equally or more responsible for their children than the schools and teachers, I fear that this horrible decline will continue.
When you were in school, if you got in trouble at school, would you also be in trouble at home?
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Tom,
Thanks for the comment. It is just so very frustrating to constantly be blamed for things over which I have no control!!
Excellent write as usual! You hit a home run on this one! Glad you directed me to it! thanks!
AR,
I truly appreciate the compliment. I noticed the old gas bag had visited your most recent hub, what a jack ass he is! Thanks for reading!!
Too many parents want to be 'friends' with their children. I think they find that much easier than being responsible parents.
I have been seeing what is going on in many of these high school level classes. It is ridiculous. The teacher has no control.
I would tell the kids, I am going to teach, if you do not want to learn, then you will flunk. But, this makes you look like a bad teacher. I think with some support, this would make things happen.
Our school because of budget cuts, cut several teachers and place student into 30 per class, and into classes the students do not want to take. So the students are goofing around and will not let the teacher teach. These classes are usually the optional classes, where the smarter kids want to take and learn, and now they cannot because of the situation. I am thinking about sending a note to the superintendent and tell him that he had better straighten this out, or our child, the brightest in the school system will be transferring to another school, or be home taught, where she can go to band and chorus at the school, but not actually attend the school so they will not get the money for her attendance.
Keep on hubbing!
Sheila,
That is the problem, these people need to understand that friendship can come later, it is your duty as a responsible parent to do the job of a responsible parent. At this point in time, there is a record number of grandparents raising grandkids (some of this is due to the war) but it seems that the timing is interesting. Remember the kinder,gentler, LESS traditional parenting that has come into vogue these last 25-30 years, well it seems that the first group raised like that are the current parents not being responsible enough to raise their own kids, hence it falls to the grandparents. I wonder if any of the grandparents is these situations questions their parenting choices.
eovery,
Yes, I am acquainted with the types of situations you speak of. I told one class yesterday that I knew most planned on attending college, and that is why they are taking Spanish for the for lang credit they need for admission. However, I also pointed out that the work habits they have now will carry into adult life, and college teachers don't give a crap if you come to class or not. There are a few really good students in there, but the entire vibe is just negative. At least the kids aren't talking and screaming, but they are just completely disconnected and uninterested. I know the good students are learning, but I just don't know how I as the teacher am supposed to single-handedly be teacher AND parent to these kids, especially with such a limited time period with them daily!
sheri
Of course it’s the teachers fault; what blame the parents that’s absurd. The same principle applies here as does with feeding the kids. The parents get food stamps to feed the kids; yet we have school breakfast programs; school lunch programs; weekend feed the children programs; summer don’t let the kids starve programs; after school gotta give the kids a snack program and finally why the hell are these poor kids so fat program which of course is run by Michelle my Belle!
Now when these same fat over fed kids flunk out; it’s gotta be the teachers; those same parents that couldn’t be held accountable to feed them surely can’t be expected to make them apply themselves and learn anything. As far as the parents are concerned the kids are simply enrolled in a FOOD PROGRAM; NOTHING ELSE!
Patriot,
Thanks for the comment, that was an angle which I had not even considered.It just gets more depressing each year as we teachers are constantly having the standards for achievement raised, but the parents NEVER have ANY accountability whatsoever!!
I agree with you that parents DO NOTHING today to help their children learn. Remember when we studied for your spelling bee? It was rough but it was a fun time. Remember the word vac... which cost you the bee? I guess today we (your Mom and I) would be considered as child beaters since we did use "corporal punishment". On occasion, we tried to make you work around the house and in the yard. If you pulled any "little tricks" (and got caught) things were taken away from you for a specified period of time. You knew what the punishment was going to be and you took your lumps! I went to military school - if we tried any of this crap the kids do today we would have been dead meat - the students were the ones who enforced the rules - not the teachers! The fellow students were very rough when it came to the 3 great sins (1) Lying (2) cheating and (3)Stealing. These were automatic dismissals from school. Parents had no say so.
Kinda like today - parents have no say so KIDS RULE!
Dad,
Thank you so much for FINALLY leaving a comment!!! You know that as a younger person, I was less than appreciative of your very hands-on and somewhat strict rules. However, as an adult with the benefit of hindsight and maturity, I give you a HUGE thank you and I know that my upbringing gave me the foundation I needed to be a contributing member of society!!!
I agree with you completely. Parents need to step up to the plate and take responsibility for their children. What we nee is a working partnership between the teacher and the family. It should never be an adversarial relationship.
Pop,
Oh how I long for the good old days when parents WERE actively involved in the discpline of their own kids!!
I am not sure when this started but Parent's think that teachers and school are the babysitters and tht is WAY WRONG. When raising children we are raising little people ro will be in society and treat others in the same manner as they are taught. What some fail to understand is telling isn't want the kids are learning from--it is actions. The parent's actions is what is dictating what the kids are doing. I know this from experience. I had a young adult now and have befriende her and she is now in a Youth Treatment facility. What the mother fails to see is that she is the cause of that child being there. Oh she yelled at her and all that, but it was her being put in jail herself so many times, it is rediculous. So they blame others when it is their faults. They taught this person that anger was the only way in life. The parents did this, not the school or teachers. I can see your point very clearly.
Guinevere,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. As you could probably tell, I am just totally fed up with schools being blamed for just about every problem faced by the kids today. It is great that you stepped up personally to help a younger person in need of some guidance!!
Great hub and the exchange between your father and you was priceless; probably to you as well. I was raised in a very Catholic family, six bros & sisters, and Catholic school. We took our school work very seriously, or else! I'm sure I didn't like their strict nature as a kid but I was certainly glad for it later in my life.
Parents really aren't parenting anymore. Like someone else above said, we are raising little people that are going to go out and be adults. Don't we owe it to them to arm them to the hilt for their battle of life? Discipline is never fun for parent or child but the gains are worth so much more in the long run.
coach,
Thanks for not only reading my rather extensive hub but the other comments as well!!! My daughter was mad at me the other day because I caught her using the cell phone while she was supposed to be in bed on a school night. I told her, as I always have, that I am willing to trust her until she gives me a reason not to. Regarding the phone on school nights, I now have a reason NOT to trust her so it will be spending school nights in my room. I don't enjoy being the brunt of her anger, but I would enjoy it less if she grew up to be an irresponsible slacker thinking the world owes her something!!!
Like I said, discipline is no fun for anyone but it is a responsibility (oh crap, I used the r-word) we have as parents. And I always read the comments in hubs. Sometimes the comments by the hubber, as well as the commenters, reveal even more information. For instance, the exchange between you and your Dad. Had I not read the comments I would not have experienced that exchange. It truly warmed my heart. I'm not blowing wind up your skirt. It comes from the heart. I am a father myself of daughters and it was very touching.
coach,
Your kind words touch me. Thanks so much!!!
Our education system in America is malfunctioning and it is a complicated problem with no easy solutions. Parents are, indeed, part of the problem concerning poor student results. Another part of the problem is the teachers union, which has made it nearly impossible to weed out bad teachers.
braudboy,
Thanks for taking a read and leaving a coment. I agree that the teacher's unions are doing MUCH harm to our educational system. Like I also pointed out though, the schools are blamed for everything even if it is something over which the parents SHOULD have the responsibility.
My oldest daughter hated me while she was in highschool and so did my ex husband. Each night that she went out on a date I allowed her to tell me when she would be coming home--it had to be reasonable. We agreed to the time, BUT she would drive into the parking lot and then sit out in the car past the time whe agreed that she would be home and in the door. After two nights of this I actually went out to the car and knocked on the window of the drivers side and told him that my daughter agreed to be home at a certain time. I told her to get out of the car and get in the house. Well she was very peeved at me and astounded that I would do somethng like that. Her fathr (EX for a reason) fought with me on that. I could not tell her at that time why it was so important that she be home. What I taught her (and it worked as I knew it would) was for her to keep her word because employers depend on that, and may others. I taught her dependability--that is not the school's or teachers job. It IS the parent's job.
I tweeted this for you and also posted it on my FaceBook Page.
Guinevere,
Thanks so much for sharing one of your personal stories of child rearing. My daughter doesn't much care for my conservativeness, but as a parent it is my JOB to work to assure that she grows up to be responsible. Thankfully, my hubby and I are on the same page when it comes to her and we both have high expectations and many rules!! Thanks also for sharing my article on other outlets. I just wish I could actually make a difference!
Sheri, I couldn't agree more. I can think back to when I was in high school, about 10 years ago, and remember all of the kids who didn't have any parental involvement. A lot of them have been married at least twice, have a few kids, no job and no desire to better themselves. The rest of them drank themselves silly through college, barely scraped by grade-wise, but had great off-campus apartments and cars because mommy and daddy STILL covered their a*ses...now they're wondering why people like me-who worked their butts off through high school AND college are getting jobs and they're stuck searching and pissing and moaning. *sigh* and they'll go on to produce more kids just as motivated and hard-working as they are...
I hated being "the one" in my group of friends who had a curfew and was punished when grades were bad, but thank God my mom was so "mean"!!!
Bec,
I understand completely where you are coming from.My parents were always MUCH stricter than the parents of many of my friends, and at the time, I hated it too. Now though, like you, I am thankful my parents did such a great job!! I only hope I can do as well, and my daughter grows up wise and hard-working!!
Sheri, You ARE making a difference just by posting this story. I didn't think that I was making much of a difference either until someone wrote me an e-mail, a while ago, and told me that what I wrote they took and taught to their class. I don't remember what that was but it made me think of how small of a person I am in this world and that someone benefitted from me. So, Yes you are making a difference.
Guinevere,
Thanks so much for your warm words of encouragement!! I ran a few copies of this hub and shared it with the few teachers I am actually friends with at my school. They liked it too, but of course, I bet there are a few teachers who would NOT like what I had to say!!
That would just show you they aren't there to do their jobs and teach these children to be adults too. I learned through life experience that it isn't always the three "R"s we learned in school but much more of the relationships and how to interact with people. If the teachers didn't care, neither did the students and that shows up really fast in the kids and teens a just graduates.
The girl that I befriended, no one really cared about her. She was very rebellious and fought hard, What they don't take the time to realize is that she was/is only doing what her parent's and everyone else are teaching her. Now at the young age of 18 she has to UN-learn everything she was taught and reprogram herself. I don't think they should expell or give a suspension to any unruly child. That gives them more opportunity to re-inforce their unruly behavior. Something else has to be done with these children. The parent's adn society and the working world (employers) need to get involved. I hear the saying all the time that it takes a village to raise a child. That is a true statement.
Guinevere,
You have truly spoken the truth. I am always a bit confused about suspensions for tardiness or truancy as it DOES just give more time th the parents to reinforce the negative behaviors. I have known a few kids who really are trying, but they get no support at home. My daughter has a close friend who is a really great kid, but with her home life, she probably doesn't stand much of a chance. I don't pick my kid's friends, but I hope that the times her buddy is with us, she at least gets a glimpse of what a home and family really are all about; she also knows that I ALWAYS ask her how she is doing in school, and try to give whatever encouragement I can.
Sheri - I think it is a combination of parents needing to become involved, the liberals and progressives that have taken over the school curriculum and the unions that have blocked progress in every area of education. I think also our colleges and universities have become polluted as well. I don't disagree with you at all. You are right. I just think there are additions to our broken school system and one start is to de-federalize the system and give the power back to the local communities. Great blog from the trenches! I'm glad you're a teacher - we need so many more like you! Carol
Great hub. My kids are grown now but when they were younger My husband and I worked very hard to keep me at home. He made way more money than I so it was the logical choice, besides I'm the nester and I wanted it that way. I would volunteer in my childrens classes, meet with the teachers and always took the side of the teacher. It was not uncommon for one of them to be grounded and things that were important to them to be taken away should ther be trouble in school. As a result our children are responsible law abiding citizens who have respect for rightful authority.
Carol,
Thanks so much for taking a read. I appreciate your praise indeed. I also agree that giving the power BACK to the localities would be a great first step. Communities KNOW where their own problems are, and a one-size fits all federal solution is not going to solve the problems.
As for not getting notifications, I don't know what could be up with that!
Judicastro,
Thanks so much for wieghing in. You made a good decision in doing what it took to stay at home in the formative years of your kids lives. Also, by being involved AND not always blindly believing your children above ALL others, you were wise. Too bad most parents today are not even interested in the truth, just how to absolve their babies from blame or fault. Until I became a mother myself, I never realized that kids are just BORN liars!! I don't say that maliciously, but it seems that lying is almost instinctual. Of course, my daughter isn't a liar, but when kids are VERy young, they'll just say ANYTHING it takes to not get in trouble. Anyway, I appreciate you taking a read!!
I wrote a hub about getting kids active an the research about how the government has used the school system to do their work is sickening and this is what we are teaching our children: http://hubpages.com/hub/You-Got-To-Move-This
Guinevere,
Thanks for the heads up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sheri, I disagree about kids being "natural" liars. That is a fault of parents who teach it at very young ages. They ask a small child did you do this? (insert crayons on walls or a hammer on a wooden table etc.) the child says yes, then for their honesty they get punished instead of warned first time, that punishment leads them to say "no" the next time and the next time.
My father took charge of our growing up and actions in school or around town, poor grades would get you a sore ass while A's got you 50 cents. He was strict and at the time I didn't understand, and we had a poor relationship, but as I grew up I found that I deserved it all and was fairly warned. Whipping my ass for being a class clown or receiving low grades payed off later in life. Good topic, it belongs 95 % with the parent, 50
Dusty,
Thanks for stopping by. I had never thought about the lying thing in the way you suggested; it makes sense!! Anyway, my dad was not ione to pay ANYTHING for good grades, he said it was my job to do well inschool and I wouldn't be paid for what was expected of me. However, I did get praise, and compliments, and I may have also bee a tiny bit spoiled...LOL! Anyway, thanks for the great comment!
nice article. I think the school system definitely needs to make changes in some areas and have an easier way to eliminate bad teachers. Education is not static, the methods need to evolve with technology, etc. I do believe it's the parents responsibility to help their children, not to do their work, but to ensure that their kids realize school is their (kids) work, and the students responsibility. From a very young age, parents need to be teaching responsibility and consequences.
I've also been in the classroom for many years, and I've seen both extremes and I've also seen some very good parenting which reflects on the child. There is room for improvement on all sides and the constant bashing of either end solves no problems.
My kids are grown now, and both went to very good schools. One applied himself more than the other, and yet both are using their talents. Their friends who didn't do so well or had no parental support are still working low paying jobs. It takes all of us doing our part, and let's not forget the student himself! Somewhere along the line, that thirst for knowledge needs to be ignited. thanks for sharing on such an important topic.
Rebekah,
Thanks for stopping by and sharing such a great comment. I agree with everything you had to say. Here in WV, they are getting smartboards for all the schools. Mine was installed last year, and I utilize it as much as is feasible. At least my textbook has a cd rom for use with the smartboard. Like I said, I don't know how effective I am overall as a teacher, but I do try to the best of my abilities. I appreciate what you had to add. THANKS!!
Sheri, I know I'm not your favorite (I think I'm your 2nd favorite after Tom) but I had to say this is a great hub. The challenge we have is that many parents do not 'parent' and simply let video games, TV, etc raise their kids. I guess it is too much of a bother for some people to do some actual parenting. Our lawmakers both have no ideas to really solve the problem. Dems want to continue to throw money at the problem (which you pointed out does not matter how much money) and Republicans want to demonize the teachers and teachers unions which would ultimately lead to cutting teachers, larger class sizes, etc.
I'm not sure I have any answers but the most important thing to me seems to be getting parents more involved with their kids.
LRC,
I have nothing to say to or about your comment except that it was thoughtful, honest, and sincere. I had hoped that since this was the hub upon which you commented, you would at least give my thoughts a few minutes of your time. Coming from you, the praise is truly appreciated. Thank you most kindly. Oh, yeah, it really does seem that BOTH parties are flummoxed by this one. I am a member of the AFT, but I am going to drop my membership because I feel that the national leadership of the union is corrupt and only out to protect incompetent teachers, and line their own pockets!!
I couldn't have said it better. As a college student, I did some research over this very issue and came up with the same answer. The number one thing that has direct control over a child's education is what is going on in the home. Parents need to turn the video games, the mtv,cell phones OFF and focus on education first. I applaud you at becoming a teacher and thank you for doing the most important job there is without getting paid for what it's worth.
aaron,
Always nice to hear from somebody new. Thanks so much for your support. Like I said, I KNOW the schools are responsible for only a small portion of the day, and to completely IGNORE the parenting, or lack thereof in the home, and focus ALL blame on schools and teachers is ludicrous!! Currently, our daughter DOES have a cell phone AND a DVR in her room, but she also lives in mortal fear of screwing up because she knows the phone would be the first thing to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can only imagine the "heck" that you put up with. In the seventies, I watched a person put out a cigarette on our biology teacher's forehead. Then jump out a second story window and run away.
I would like to teach Math and Science but, the bad students would wear me out. I don't think I could maintain self control with some of the abusive (towards the teacher) parents. I believe we need the paddle back in school. I was paddled a few times when I still don't believe I should have, but that made up for the times I should have been "busted" Good luck.. I believe a good Teacher is worth much more money than they are paid.
When I was in school, talking in any class without permission would get you "busted" paddled.
cyber,
Thanks for visiting my hub. I am currently 41, but I recall my dad pulling the car to the side of the highway and jerking me or one of my brothers out and busting our butts right there while traffic whizzed past. It was a spanking, NOT ABUSE!! I can only shudder to think what would be done to ANY parent who would choose to do that today. You are correct that governmental interference in parenting has helped this problem to increase. Like I said thoug, there just seem to be WAY too many parents with NO INTEREST in actually parenting!!
I enjoyed your post, especially because it is balanced and not just a rant against parents. I have a great appreciation for good teachers, because I've met a few who made a difference in my life and in the lives of my two daughters. I also briefly taught English at a community college. That experience was such an eye opener. In my Eng Comp II class, I quickly realized most of the students just wanted to get the English requirement over with and walk away with 3 credits and, preferably, a 4.0 grade. Thankfully, a handful seemed to truly care. I thought of them as I prepared discussion starters each night. Since I was new on the job, I still believed the students would wake up and suddenly see the value of literature. I also kept up with my carefully considered "constructive" comments while grading their assigned essays, even though I observed most students just skipped over them, hunting for the all-important letter grade. I understood from that experience how easily teachers can lose enthusiasm for their jobs - and also the danger of placing too much emphasis on the letter grade above all else a student takes away from school.
I'm sorry to say, though, that I'm not in agreement about spanking. That's not a judgment about anyone here in the least - it's just something I could not imagine myself doing (probably a reaction to those rough and tough nuns I had to contend with as a child!). Oddly enough, the thing that worked best when my kids were young was to say, "OK, now, I'm going to start counting to ten," and usually the girls would scoot to bed or whatever before I reached the magic number. I often wondered what they thought I'd actually do in the event I reached ten - or what I would, in fact, do. Luckily, we never had to find out!
As a parent, I made it a point to be available but not overly "helpful" with homework, never really sure whether or not that was the right thing to do. But the best line I heard was from a teacher during a parents' meeting - she asked us not to do our child's homework for them as she didn't want to have to flunk us. :)
Thanks SheriSapp for a most thought-provoking post.
jonihnj,
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. I admire you for teaching lit. I would have a really hard time grading a subject that can be so subjective. I prefer a black and white right/wrong, it creates less controversy. After we have a chapter test, I always give the papers back so we can go over the correct responses and they can ask any questions they may have. Of course, like you noticed when you taught, they are just interested in finding any grading errors and not concerned with actually understanding what they missed and why they missed it!
Our daughter is in 7th grade, and though I ask her about HW each night, I never offer help unless she asks. Thankfully, she is pretty responsible and I even let her decide when and where to do the work. Until she gives me a reason to NOT trust her on it, I am letting her make the decision.
Anyway, I really enjoyed your great comment. I hope to hear from you again!!!
Sheri, I sat in class with 41 others in NYC schools. These days they say you can't teach like that. I say, we learned more than the kids today.
The fear of a parent being called, scared the hell out of us. H
Harvey,
I know what you are saying, but unfortunately the art of parenting is in RAPID decline, like our society!! When I was in school, we also actually had to do WORK instead of having the teachers devise games and such so the kids can have fun! Learning is a job like most things, kids better learn to deal with that BEFORE they enter the work-a-day world.
Tom Whitworth Level 5 Commenter 20 months ago
Sheri,
I agree with your outlook on parental responsibility. If a child is sick and the parent doesn't seek proper medical care that's child abuse and the educational duties are the same thing if parents don't look after their childs education that's abuse and should be prosecuted as such too.